Saturday morning was busy with changing diapers, fixing breakfast,
helping the younger ones get dressed, picking up toys, vacuuming, and of
course, answering the legion of questions bombarding me one after the other
about Daddy. Then the phone rang. Everything stopped. It was Todd.
“Are you guys coming up to see me?”
"Of course! I
was thinking it would be easier to eat lunch here at home, then we'll all be up
to see you! How are you feeling? Did they do any tests yet?"
"I'm good. I'll
tell you when you get here. I miss you."
And then began the rush for lunch, preparing to leave, and
making sure everyone was happy, full, and rested before heading to the hospital
to visit Daddy. My mind was racing. Why didn't he tell me any test results or
whether they did any tests? He sounded
different. Was he scared? Was he in pain? Did I have everything I needed for the kids to
spend a few hours at the hospital?
"Where is Tiffany?"
OK. After counting each one and
double-checking all the seat belts and car seats, we were finally ready.
No, I should know by now, we are never, ever ready! Whenever we had visited anyone in the hospital,
we always brought balloons and sometimes a small gift. The kids asked me where the balloon was for
Daddy and what we were bringing him for a present. I had nothing. I know he wasn't expecting anything, and
getting everyone out of the van, organizing a trip to a store, and getting
everyone back in the van did not seem like a very good use of our time at the
moment. So, with quick thinking and
thankfully some money in my purse, I explained we would stop at the hospital
gift shop to pick something up for him. Most
things in the hospital gift shop appeared very feminine, and the little ones
being girls, were excited to find beautiful flowers, fancy treats, and pink
cards; but we were able to find a handsome blue get well balloon and some blue
candy. Phew.
Seeing Todd sitting up in bed and looking and acting more
like himself was such a relief. I
instantly felt better and easily gave less attention to the children and more
to Todd, knowing there were now four eyes watching them instead of just my teary
two! He motioned for the kids to climb
up on the bed and began showing them how the bed moved with the special
controller. He also showed them how to
change channels on the TV, and then he looked at me and smiled. Since I didn't want our 14 month old crawling
on the hospital floor, I put some toys on the side of the bed and let her sit
next to Daddy. Sitting on Daddy's other
side was Winter and Tiffany, watching TV.
The oldest three, Abe, Nathan, and Trina, stood beside the bed with
their attention on the television. Todd
took that brief opportunity to tell me he loved me and then asked how last
night went at rehearsal. He apologized
again and again for not being able to be there.
While the kids were being entertained by the television,
Todd stared into my eyes, pointed to his chest, and then mouthed the words,
"They found more here."
What? I know what he said, I just
could not process those words and thoughts.
It didn't make sense. It wasn't
real. I audibly questioned
"What?" and he repeated what he had just said. He glanced at the kids and said he would tell
me later. As I heard the children
giggling at the television, and as I automatically picked up toys that fell to
the floor, I kept thinking what else Todd could have possibly meant. What did they find? How did they find it? Is he certain? Now what?
Finally, after what seemed like hours, the kids got
restless. They began pressing buttons and laughed when they made
Daddy's legs go up and down on the moving bed.
The youngest didn't like the movement and started to cry. More toys fell. I felt like things were getting out of my
control in more ways than just with the children. Todd laughed and showed them more buttons to
push and they soon had the bed moving in different directions, and our 14 month
old panicked as the bed moved strangely beneath her. Everyone thought it was funny, except for
me. I picked up the youngest and began
picking up toys, and started to cry.
Todd saw my tears and immediately asked the kids to stop pushing buttons
and asked the older ones to please take the younger ones to the waiting room
while he talked to me alone for just a minute.
He told them they could come back in a minute, but that he wanted to
talk to me alone. Our oldest girl, 12 at
the time, took the baby from my arms while the others gathered the remaining
toys and cups that were scattered around and on Daddy's magical bed. As soon as they left the room, Todd said
everything was OK, and that I didn't have to be worried or upset. He said what they saw was uncertain, but it appeared
there were three spots on his lung. He
told me they were very small spots, and that they could be treated without any
problem. He was waiting for more doctors
to report on the numerous tests they had taken, but kept assuring me over and
over that he was fine. He said he was
hoping to be home Monday, once all the doctors were back from the weekend and
all the tests were completed. He told me
he felt great and couldn't wait to get home and back to work.
I told him I was worried and scared. But he continuously said there was nothing
wrong and that the doctors would come up with a plan. Everything was going to be OK. I got the children, brought them back to
Daddy for goodbyes, and we left. I
didn't feel like there was any strength in my legs and my knees felt
wobbly. I felt like I was in a
dream. The needs of the children kept me
moving and going forward through the rest of the day. Later that afternoon, once the younger ones
were down for a nap, I went back up to the hospital (thankfully it was only a
mile away) to spend some more time with Daddy alone. I told the kids I would only be a few
minutes, and that I would not be longer than an hour, and to please call me on
my cell phone if there were any problems.
The older children (15, 13, and 12) liked this idea. They were in charge! What could go wrong?
Thankfully nothing did go wrong at home, and I was able to
spend some time with Todd without the children.
More tests had been done, and a game plan was tentatively set in
place. Todd told me about a doctor who
came in (there were so many that he did not remember her name), and she told
him the first thing was to get rid of the tumor on his right kidney that was
causing so much pain. She said they would
probably have to remove his kidney, but not to worry, because he had two
kidneys and that he would be fine without one.
Todd said this lady was so kind and reassuring, and continuously told
him it was not life-threatening.
However, the other doctors told him that he should not go back to work,
in case he started having that pain again and that the tumor could start
breaking down, causing bleeding and extreme pain. In fact, they told him he should spend the
holidays at home, with his family. That
didn't sound good, but then Todd reminded me of the other doctor and her
reassuring words. So here was the game
plan on December 18, 2004: Todd would
stay in the hospital one more day (Sunday).
He would come home and rest.
After the holidays, in early January, 2005, he would be scheduled for a
biopsy on the larger "spot" on his lung to see if it was the same
cancer and spreading, or if it was no cancer and only a benign growth of some
sort. Then they would schedule surgery
to remove his right kidney and the consuming tumor.
To our surprise, Sunday afternoon on the 19th of December,
Todd drove his van back home! They sent
him home with pain medication, and a long list of instructions for the
holidays. I was so happy he did not have
to work; however, he was not at all happy, and there were several days when he would
ask me what I thought if he went to work.
He went in a few days, just to see everyone and make sure his route was
covered and run correctly. He didn't
want anyone to "mess up my route."
He also went to retrieve his paycheck; not knowing at the time, that
would be his last paycheck. There was
still a lot of Christmas shopping to do.
Being the one taking care of the checking account and paying bills, I
began to get concerned. I had no idea
how God would provide, but He did, and He was already preparing a way...
